Insomnia: The Night Before the Big Day

It’s past midnight and no surprise- I can’t sleep. All day I worked frantically to finish projects up so I could take tomorrow off from work, while fitting in acupuncture and  massage appointments. I’ve been so focused on getting things done, one step after another- that now, lying in bed, I’m finally thinking about tomorrow.

Tomorrow I meet my two tiny four year old “maybe babies.”

Silly thoughts run through my mind like: Will they remember me? Are they mad I made them wait so long? (ok- maybe not silly- just crazy.)

And more serious ones like: What if they don’t make the thaw? The embryologist helpfully told me that they have improved the freezing process since the long-ago vintage when mine were frozen. So helpful to know that since there’s nothing I can do about it.

So much is out of my control. And still I wonder: have I done enough to prepare for them? Am I ready?

I finally got out of bed tonight when I realized I was a little hungry- maybe I didn’t eat enough for potentially three of us.

So now I’m drinking tea and eating a banana and peanut butter sandwich. And googling recipes for the crockpot tomorrow so Mr. T, Little E, Maybe Babies 1 and 2 and I will have a good healthy dinner. Our first dinner as a family of five.

I hope there will be other dinner times with them- with all the chaos and joy and food smashed into the floor, curtains and table that comes with that wish. I’m ready.

I hope these little ones are too.

After my transfer tomorrow, I’ll report back on how it goes. I’m looking forward to a long afternoon lounging on the couch. Other than the hope for a baby at the end of it, this one day of doing nothing is the best perk of the process.

Thanks for all your messages of support, prayers and good luck wishes. No matter what happens, I know I’ll get through it- with a little help from my friends. Thank you.







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8 thoughts on “Insomnia: The Night Before the Big Day

  1. carolina647 February 4, 2014 at 4:54 am Reply

    That’s so exciting and I hope you soon have good news to share!

    • Jess February 4, 2014 at 8:35 am Reply

      Thank you- I hope so too!

  2. itsonitswaytoday February 4, 2014 at 5:56 am Reply

    Good luck!!!

    • Jess February 4, 2014 at 8:35 am Reply

      Thank you so much! Going to clinic in 2 hours- eek!

  3. findmynewnormal February 4, 2014 at 9:50 am Reply

    Fingers and toes crossed!

    • Jess February 4, 2014 at 4:40 pm Reply

      Thanks so much- I can use all the crossed fingers and toes!

  4. Jenn February 4, 2014 at 11:50 am Reply

    Thinking of you! Can’t wait to hear how everything went 🙂

    • Jess February 4, 2014 at 4:40 pm Reply

      Thanks so much! It went well- now just to wait!

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