A week from today I’ll be “pregnant until proven otherwise” for the last time.
Yesterday we went to the clinic for lining check, and I was surprised to hear it was already at 14. I didn’t even know that was possible- especially since I haven’t had a cycle since 2011. (I haven’t missed it a bit.)
We saw the new doctor there for the first time. She asked about our history and our daughter, and she went on and on about how this was perfect spacing for our second child- as if it were a sure thing. She’s young and enthusiastic and just full of optimism.
Despite myself, I couldn’t help but get a little carried away by her enthusiasm. And by “carried away”- I mean I cracked open the door to hope. For the first time, I imagined what it might be to experience pregnancy again- maybe this time with less fear and more joy. I imagined the sweet baby smell, the tiny socks and hats. And I imagined my daughter as a big sister, instead of as an only child.
On Tuesday, February 4th- we will be reunited with her little big brothers and/or sisters. They’ll just be a speck. We know they are six days old, and have top “grades” from our clinic. We won’t know if they will have blue eyes, hazel or brown eyes, if they will be tall or short. If they will be silly or serious. If they will have their father’s athleticism or my quiet nature. I hope we get to see them grow and find out.
That’s all I can do now- to hope. Letting my heart finally do that feels good. These little tiny embryos deserve all the hope and love in the world- no matter what happens next.