Abandoned blogs always make me a little bit sad. Most of the time it seems that their writers never intend for that post to be their last- and then for one reason or another-time goes by and then it is.
And here I am! Still thinking of you all, but for many excuses that aren’t good enough- it’s been 9 months since my last post.
After 3 IVF cycles and 2 miscarriages, all my hopes that clung to that microscopic cluster of cells that never made it to a blastocyst by Day 5 is now a little person. She’s no longer a baby, but a walking, talking 14 month old with ideas of her own- and a serious stubborn streak that Mr. T and I credit for her determination to be here against the odds.
The other day she found my IVF calendar/ planning book and sat there looking at it with such concentration, as if she understood all the cryptic notes about medications, blood draws, follicle counts, estrogen levels, FSH numbers, acupuncture dates, beta numbers going up and down and up again, egg retrievals scheduled and canceled and rescheduled again. Tears came to my eyes as I wished I could send this picture to myself back in time, to hold onto during my darkest days of heartbreak.
So as I resurrect this blog, that’s what I want to do for anyone who is still in this fight. To give hope for those looking for it, and most of all, to let you know that you aren’t alone. The day I found out that IVF was the only way I could have a family, I hit “Google” to find out everything I could about IVF- and was terrified by most of it. And I felt even more alone. At the time, I didn’t know anyone else who had gone through IVF and it took me some time to find the incredible Twitter and online support communities.
And there are so many amazing women- and men- in this community, ready to give advice, virtual hugs, to laugh at the craziness of it all when appropriate. Who understand that sometimes you need to block your friend feed from ultrasound photos on facebook and decline that baby shower invitation.
My goal is to share stories of hope on this blog from others who have made it to the other side of infertility. From those who were “lucky” and had success after their first IVF, to those who survived multiple miscarriages and failed IVF cycles, to those who became parents after adoption or with the help of a donor or surrogate…. as well as those who have accepted childfree life…. there are many paths to get to the other side.
To my friends who have a story to share- please let me know if you are willing to participate. To those who are just starting this journey or are in the midst of it- we are here for you. Please know that you aren’t alone.