Milestones at the end of the Rainbow

The view from my fertility clinic. So many days spent looking out this window and wondering if I'd get to the other side of the rainbow. It feels like a dream.

I’m 15 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Either that or I’m dreaming all this- which seems more likely.

Since my last blog post, I’ve hit a number of milestones that I’ve wanted to share here, but it’s been a busy month with family visiting and weekend trips sandwiched between busy work weeks. So here’s a little catch up on the milestones from the past few weeks:

  • At 12 weeks we had our NT scan. To my surprise, we got good news from our test results. This is still such a new thing for me- the concept of getting good news. For so long it felt like we were stuck in that 1% that gets bad news. We breathed a sigh of relief- and then I began to hold my breath again for the end of the first trimester milestone.
  • At 13 weeks we celebrated our first week without PIO shots. Amazing. And a bit terrifying. “Look Ma- no hands! This is all natural now!” Yikes.
  • We began telling the world our news. This is the scariest part for me. With our first pregnancy, we found out about our miscarriage right after we started telling people, the second time we hadn’t told anyone which made that miscarriage easier to bear, so the terror of having to share bad news again kept us very quiet. Each time we told someone, I had a small panic attack. After hearing the news, my grandmother (who doesn’t know anything about our struggles) told me that her “prayers had been answered.” I resisted the urge to tell her it took so much more than prayer alone to make this baby.
  • I bought my first pair of maternity pants. My little sister came to visit and she insisted that we go maternity shopping- though my belly is only slightly round. I hid behind the racks while she asked for directions to the maternity sections, reluctantly following her and a parade of “real” pregnant ladies. I finally bought some pants. (I had no idea that the pregnant ladies had been enjoying such comfort in style- I may wear maternity pants forever now-wow.)  To my relief, buying pants/ telling the world I was pregnant didn’t bring any immediate demise.
  • At 14 weeks we officially graduated to our second trimester. Pinch me. Is this real?
  • Around 14 weeks I finally told my boss and coworkers the news- and explained the reason for my hundreds of mysterious doctor appointments from the past year and a half. They have been so supportive, and so respectful of my privacy. They were thrilled for me, (and relieved to hear I didn’t have a terminal illness.)
  • Yesterday I went for our regular midwife appointment. I was just a regular patient. Just like anyone else. Until she asked if I had any questions and I brought out my long list. At Question #17: “Are you SURE it’s safe to have sex?” I started to cry.  Since my last post on this topic Mr. T and I have only done it a couple times and I’m always too nervous to enjoy it. She told me to enjoy it now while we could, which made me cry harder. Then she told me it was ok to worry, that she still worries about her grown son, that it’s what mothers do. But our baby wants us to be excited and happy.

So at 15 weeks and 1 day, that’s what I’m trying to do. After I dried my tears, the midwife finally gave me the only kind of reassurance that really helps: evidence that our baby is still ok, hearing the heartbeat through the Doppler.  We even heard a sloshing sound that she said was the baby moving around. “Baby is moving all around you can’t even feel it yet. Isn’t that amazing?” Amazing doesn’t even begin to describe it.

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12 thoughts on “Milestones at the end of the Rainbow

  1. Serendipitie July 10, 2011 at 6:47 am Reply

    I’m so excited for you! And I totally know what you mean when you say you are surprised when you get good news – I am hoping to finally get some good news myself. And yay for comfy maternity pants and a midwife! xoxo

  2. Crys24 July 10, 2011 at 12:07 pm Reply

    This brought tears to my eyes! I am so, so happy for you! I hope as the weeks go on, you’ll be able to worry less and enjoy more, you deserve it!!

  3. sunnymama July 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm Reply

    So happy for you Jess! Such special milestones 🙂 xx

  4. Jess July 10, 2011 at 1:39 pm Reply

    Thanks, everyone for sticking by me. Even though I’ve passed all these milestones your support still means so much to me. Thank you!

  5. Jess July 10, 2011 at 2:45 pm Reply

    What a great feeling!! Every day gets you closer and closer… 🙂

  6. Kelly Kate July 11, 2011 at 6:54 am Reply

    You are definitely on your way! What a beautiful view from the window – seems like a very lucky sign 🙂

    • Jess July 11, 2011 at 10:27 pm Reply

      Thank you! I took this picture back in December 2010 and I hoped it was a lucky sign but then IVF 2.0 was followed by miscarriage 2.0. Just realizing now that I write this that rainbow was in December 2010 and our baby is due December 2011- so you are right- it does seem like a good sign!

  7. Moon July 11, 2011 at 11:59 pm Reply

    Love love your photo!
    So happy for you Jess that you’re passing these milestones, you deserve this so much so please smile and enjoy xx

  8. unfertilized July 12, 2011 at 8:57 am Reply

    Wonderful to read about all the recent milestones! I’m glad everything continues to go well for you.

  9. Keiko July 14, 2011 at 8:25 am Reply

    That picture from your clinic’s office is amazing. Well earned and deserved milestones indeed. And congrats on sharing your joyous news with the world!

  10. jilleesap July 25, 2011 at 1:30 pm Reply

    Congratulations! I just discovered your blog and I’m so happy your dream finally came trough after everything you’ve faced. I truly hope all (or at least some of ) your worries will go away and you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy! Your story reminds me to not give up!

    ~Jill
    http://www.highheelsandhuggies.blogspot.com

  11. Jess July 26, 2011 at 8:56 pm Reply

    Thank you! I’m glad I can offer hope!

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