I’m 15 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Either that or I’m dreaming all this- which seems more likely.
Since my last blog post, I’ve hit a number of milestones that I’ve wanted to share here, but it’s been a busy month with family visiting and weekend trips sandwiched between busy work weeks. So here’s a little catch up on the milestones from the past few weeks:
- At 12 weeks we had our NT scan. To my surprise, we got good news from our test results. This is still such a new thing for me- the concept of getting good news. For so long it felt like we were stuck in that 1% that gets bad news. We breathed a sigh of relief- and then I began to hold my breath again for the end of the first trimester milestone.
- At 13 weeks we celebrated our first week without PIO shots. Amazing. And a bit terrifying. “Look Ma- no hands! This is all natural now!” Yikes.
- We began telling the world our news. This is the scariest part for me. With our first pregnancy, we found out about our miscarriage right after we started telling people, the second time we hadn’t told anyone which made that miscarriage easier to bear, so the terror of having to share bad news again kept us very quiet. Each time we told someone, I had a small panic attack. After hearing the news, my grandmother (who doesn’t know anything about our struggles) told me that her “prayers had been answered.” I resisted the urge to tell her it took so much more than prayer alone to make this baby.
- I bought my first pair of maternity pants. My little sister came to visit and she insisted that we go maternity shopping- though my belly is only slightly round. I hid behind the racks while she asked for directions to the maternity sections, reluctantly following her and a parade of “real” pregnant ladies. I finally bought some pants. (I had no idea that the pregnant ladies had been enjoying such comfort in style- I may wear maternity pants forever now-wow.) To my relief, buying pants/ telling the world I was pregnant didn’t bring any immediate demise.
- At 14 weeks we officially graduated to our second trimester. Pinch me. Is this real?
- Around 14 weeks I finally told my boss and coworkers the news- and explained the reason for my hundreds of mysterious doctor appointments from the past year and a half. They have been so supportive, and so respectful of my privacy. They were thrilled for me, (and relieved to hear I didn’t have a terminal illness.)
- Yesterday I went for our regular midwife appointment. I was just a regular patient. Just like anyone else. Until she asked if I had any questions and I brought out my long list. At Question #17: “Are you SURE it’s safe to have sex?” I started to cry. Since my last post on this topic Mr. T and I have only done it a couple times and I’m always too nervous to enjoy it. She told me to enjoy it now while we could, which made me cry harder. Then she told me it was ok to worry, that she still worries about her grown son, that it’s what mothers do. But our baby wants us to be excited and happy.
So at 15 weeks and 1 day, that’s what I’m trying to do. After I dried my tears, the midwife finally gave me the only kind of reassurance that really helps: evidence that our baby is still ok, hearing the heartbeat through the Doppler. We even heard a sloshing sound that she said was the baby moving around. “Baby is moving all around you can’t even feel it yet. Isn’t that amazing?” Amazing doesn’t even begin to describe it.