Judgement Day

Judgement Day: Will my little embryos survive the Embryologists call tomorrow?

We got the call this morning that they want to wait until Day 6 before popping the embies back in the oven.

Of course.

I like to think the embryologist is just so attached to my “maybe-babies” that she doesn’t want to give them back yet.

Unfortunately, the outlook does not look good. Nice Nurse was the one who called, but she made the mistake of calling me instead of Mr. T. He never asks questions, while I always make the fatal mistake of asking questions that I later wish I hadn’t.

She said that all seven were still growing, but that three of them didn’t have enough cells to make it to blast tomorrow. The other four were transitioning to blast, but weren’t yet there. She said they were very optimistic they would, but the embryologist wanted to give them another day to pick the best of the group. This wasn’t enough reassurance for me.

“I don’t understand- last time, all seven made it to blasts by Day 5 and they were all top grades. It sounds like a bad sign that this group hasn’t made it yet. Shouldn’t they be blasts by Day 5?”

(Why oh why do I have to know all this- just to torture myself?)

“Well, the good news is that you have four that should make it to blast. I don’t know how many you wanted to transfer, but that should be enough.”

I pressed her for more information, but didn’t get much more. She’s the nicest nurse but also tells it like it is, so I consoled myself that if she was positive, maybe I should be too.

I called Mr. T to tell him the news, and as usual, he was the beacon of optimism.

“Well, last time everything went perfectly, and that didn’t work out. Maybe it’s a good thing that they are behaving differently this time.”

He has a point. We don’t need a rerun of IVF 1.0. Maybe our story will be one of those mythical “Everything went wrong and I thought the cycle was a bust, but here’s our adorable baby!”

I pulled myself together and told my office I’d be in shortly. Then I scheduled a massage for tonight.

I need it and certainly deserve it. Best thing I could have done.

Embarrassingly, I cried through most of the massage; it was just such a relief to let go of all that tension. I explained my story to the masseuse so she didn’t think I was too crazy.

“I’m sorry I’m so emotional- I’m just on all these hormones for IVF and it’s been really hard.”

“I understand. My sister went through IVF. She only did one round and decided she didn’t want children that badly.”

This caused more tears.

“Well, I never thought I’d do IVF but this is the only way my husband and I can have children. It’s made us realize how much we do want children- but it’s been so stressful.”

“Well, if you find yourself feeling stressed before your transfer tomorrow, just remember-“

Oh please don’t let her say “just relax.”

“…that plenty of people who are very stressed get pregnant all the time.”

I could have hugged her. For that and a magical message. I feel like a new person now, with a womb that’s relaxed and ready to meet a baby.

Just in time for Judgement Day tomorrow. I wonder if my embryos have any idea how important tomorrow is. I keep willing my “maybe-babies” to give it everything they have and be all that they can be. Tomorrow is the most important test of their life.

If you can send them a prayer, a wish, a thought- please tell them that they will be so loved. And that we are ready for them. Please, please embryos- be ready for us.


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3 thoughts on “Judgement Day

  1. Moon April 15, 2011 at 12:30 am Reply

    Thinking of you hun and hoping for the best. Stay strong, you can do this and soon you’ll have your embies back to look after.
    Take care and look after yourself xx

  2. moi April 15, 2011 at 10:06 am Reply

    I hate it when people tell us to relax. If that had helped us i’d eaten jars of valium. Nice nurse. She is right babies are made during wars so why should worry affect eggs or wombs. Thinkging of you

  3. Afiya April 15, 2011 at 3:51 pm Reply

    Hi, I found your blog via Aleia. I thought I would stop by.I am rooting for you, and visualizing all your embies being ready for you,and seeing you with sweet babes. *sprinkles baby dust*

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