One Year Later: Still Lucky in Life and Love

One year later: frostie the sperm still hasn't made a baby.

We just got the bill for our frozen sperm storage fee, a nice reminder that we’ve been doing the IVF Tango for a year now and those little frosty spermies still haven’t made us parents. On the bright side, the $250 rent bill for their icy accommodations at our clinic is a bargain compared to day care.

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since Mr. T went under the knife to “give birth” to half of our potential children’s DNA.  With a pair of scissors (Mr. T shivers to recall this detail), the doctor went in and evacuated a tiny section of lucky little guys right from the source.  I look back now and recall how hopeful and giddy we were the day Mr.T’s “B-Section.” (Balls-section ala cesarean-section: crude, I know, but we do what we have to do to make ourselves laugh about it all.) Surely we would be parents soon!

Up until that point, I had been terrified about IVF and to be honest- not exactly on board with the IVF plan after we got our devastating diagnosis. But Mr. T, my hero of a husband, never once complained about his lot. He said it was my decision, though I knew how much he wanted to try.

The fact that he was willing- even eager- to sign up for surgery in that very sensitive part of his manhood for the chance to have our child- made me realize all over again what a wonderful father he will make. It still moves me to tears to know he wants to be a daddy that much.

I think even worse for Mr. T was the prospect of the injections.  My brave husband somehow managed to conquer his fear of needles and has given me every single injection over the course of two IVF cycles so far. I’ll never forget the pain and fear in his eyes when he first prepared that giant PIO (Progesterone in Oil) injection, so afraid of hurting me. I knew this was worse for him than having to go through his TESE surgery.

We thought this would be the worst of it. But then, after all this, we had to face loss- twice. Mr. T held my hand through the D&C and cried with me and was strong for me. Every step of the way, he’s been there for me, just as I know he will be for our children one day.

This isn’t to say that we never fight. Our biggest source of contention is that I talk and worry about IVF too much, and Mr. T never wants to think about it. Last night, after one of my usual rants about all the things to worry about with this upcoming cycle, frustrated that Mr. T didn’t seem to be adequately worried, I finally threw up my hands in exasperation;

“WHY aren’t YOU worried about all of this?”

Mr T. put his arms around me, and said the words that chase away my demons, at least for the moment:

“Because I love you and I know that we’ll be ok no matter what happens.”

And at least for the moment, I know he’s right.

Across town, half our potential baby’s DNA is on ice, frozen in time and waiting for their next big audition in April. If I ever get the chance to meet the baby that comes from this tiny frozen swimming pool, I’ll tell them how their daddy is the bravest, most loving man in the world.

No matter what happens, I know I’m already lucky in life and love.

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11 thoughts on “One Year Later: Still Lucky in Life and Love

  1. myTTCstory March 23, 2011 at 9:05 am Reply

    Oh Jess, I’m so glad you have such a supportive hubby. The ‘b-section’ sounds horrendous! Men cope with it in such a different way to us, don’t they? I spoke to my OH about this last week and he hates how much I go on about IVF too!

    My OH will have to do my progesterone injections as apparently the best place is the bottom! He’s scared of needles too so I’m nervous to see how he’ll cope.

    Wishing you lots of luck & positive vibes for this cycle. You deserve it to be your time.

    Hugs,
    MyTTCstory
    xx

    • Jess March 25, 2011 at 4:01 am Reply

      He’s a champion. Even though yesterday I discovered he has NO idea what ICSI is- even though we’ve discussed this at length with the doctor and that’s the only way we can have a baby with his sperm! But he’s there for me, and that’s the important part.

      Thank you for the well wishes. Sending them your way too.

  2. Moon March 23, 2011 at 3:51 pm Reply

    Mr T sounds amazing! So pleased he is so supportive of you and I’m super impressed he has administered your injections, very brave.
    My OH deals with things completely differently to me too, but I think what he is doing is trying to strong for both of us, I think Mr T is doing that for you too, we couldn’t ask for much more!
    Wishing you hope and success for this next cycle,
    Moon xx

  3. Crys24 March 23, 2011 at 4:05 pm Reply

    Aw, your husband reminds me of mine! I remember when we got our diagnosis and the doc started describing TESE and I thought “that’s it, there’s no way in hell he will agree to this surgery” but he is fully willing to do it and that’s amazing for a guy to agree to something that hurts his “manhood.”
    Good luck, I hope the next batch of frozen swimmers gives you a take home baby!

    • Jess March 25, 2011 at 4:03 am Reply

      Isn’t it amazing how brave they are to do that? Of course we are brave too. 🙂 xxx

  4. Brave IVF Girl March 23, 2011 at 4:18 pm Reply

    Glad you guys have such a strong relationship and that he’s so hands-on.

    Man, we really are on matching calendars, aren’t we? We’ve been doing IVF for a year now too. First transfer was 3/19/10.

    *hugs*

    • Jess March 25, 2011 at 4:06 am Reply

      I really hope that our matching calendars have a due date coming up in about 9 months. 🙂 Thinking of you. xxx

  5. BabyMakingDiaries March 23, 2011 at 7:34 pm Reply

    Makes such a difference to have a supportive DH, Mr T sounds wonderful. Mine had to do my PIO shots too, not nice for either party! Wishing you all the luck in the world for this cycle, really hope you get to meet your baby this time xx

    • Jess March 25, 2011 at 4:07 am Reply

      Thank you! PIO’s are a pain in the ass for everyone, for sure. 🙂 Sending luck your way too. xxx

  6. fateofthechocolatechipcookies March 23, 2011 at 10:26 pm Reply

    I really like your entry and your tribute to your wonderful hubby! Best of luck!

  7. missohkay March 28, 2011 at 1:44 am Reply

    B-Section – love it! We are lucky girls to have husbands willing to go through so much. (Though I’ll admit that mine bitched a bit about giving one vial of blood for testing after I’d just given 7.)

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