Believing in Santa and Acupuncture

Believing in Acupuncture. Because there aren't enough needles in IVF already

As much as I want to be a “believer”, I’m a skeptic about most things. I think it’s because I believed in Santa until I was 13 and was crushed when my parents finally had to break the news.

Anyway, when Dr. IVF told Mr. T and me that acupuncture has been shown to improve IVF success rates, I nodded but had already decided that kind of “kooky” medicine wasn’t for me. After all, if I wasn’t a “believer,” the magic wouldn’t work for me, right? And this whole process already cost so much time and money- I didn’t want to throw even more down the drain.

Mr. T on the other hand, is a believer. He didn’t believe in Santa as long as I did- but he has faith in things he can’t see or understand- from ghosts and UFO’s to the Loch ness Monster. And as far as he was concerned, if we going through this whole effort, I might as well try the acupuncture.

I gave him my stubborn “I’ve already made up my mind” look and changed the subject.

But as I spoke to others who had been successful with IVF, every single one of them claimed the acupuncture made a difference. I was starting to feel like the only kid on the Polar Express who couldn’t hear Santa’s bell. Maybe there was something to this after all.

I called my insurance company, and was surprised to learn that that acupuncture was included in my plan for ten visits. OK- let me get this straight- infertility is not covered by my policy, but this “kooky” medicine was? If the insurance company was a believer and I was not, there was something wrong with me. I might be a skeptic, but I couldn’t let the insurance company be more of a believer than me.

I made an appointment. My first session was scheduled for the week before my first IVF protocol meeting, and the day before my 7th (and likely last for some time) marathon.

Sitting down with Dr. Acupuncture at that first appointment, I explained my story.

“So, I’m doing IVF. My husband has Congenital Absence of the Vas Defrense, so there’s no way for the sperm to come out. I’m healthy as far as I know, but I’ve heard that acupuncture can help success rates.”

“Yes, I’ve worked with many women who do IVF, and have babies,” she assures me.

“Oh, and I’m running a marathon tomorrow- so if you could just make me a little faster too, that would be great.” I smile and say it as if I’m kidding, suddenly embarrassed to have asked for so much- a baby and a fast marathon- especially when I wasn’t even a believer.

She nods kindly and smiles, without saying much. Then she began asking me all sorts of questions no doctor has ever asked me before. Some questions my husband has never even asked me before, come to think of it.

“What temperature do you like your drinking water?” (Cold, no ice)
What season do you like best (Late summer/ early fall)
Are you typically cold or warm? (almost always cold.)
What is your energy level like? (good)
The questions went on and on.

I wondered how important it was to get these right. (Did I like summer and fall? Or did I like spring too?) Anyway, I was confident that she would see how zen I was, and that I really didn’t need any alternative hokey-pokey to make me better.

She took my hands in her lap to feel my pulse.

“Hmm. Not a very strong pulse,” she peers into my face.

“Not strong?” How could that be? I’m a runner. Of course I have a strong pulse. Every other doctor I’d ever seen before had been suitably impressed with my pulse.

“Maybe it’s because you are a runner.” she says, as if she’s reading my mind. “Or maybe it’s something else…have you been stressed?”

“Well, maybe a little about this whole IVF process… but typically I think I manage it pretty well.”

“Hmm. Do you like things to be perfect all the time?” She looks at me again in a way that says even if I’m not honest, she’s reading my mind and knows the truth anyway.

“Well… I like things to be done well…” I say. “But I don’t think I’m obsessive.”

“I see you are very stressed,” she tells me, as if that settles it.

Finally we get to the needle part. She shows me the needles, making sure I’m ok with those. They are tiny, feather-like needles- nothing to fear there. Certainly nothing like a PIO needle. I lie on the table and she puts in the first needle in my wrist.

“Do you feel a pressure?” she asks.

I wonder what I’m supposed to feel- because I’m not feeling anything but the pressure of her hand lightly resting on mine where she’s inserting the needle.

“Umm… yes? I think so. It feels fine.” I say, trying to pretend I hear that Polar Express bell ringing.

This goes on for some time. She inserts a needle in my hand, my leg, my tummy, and asks how I feel. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel, but I don’t feel anything.

“It feels fine,” I say. I hear my inner skeptic saying, “I knew this was silly.”

Then she sticks a needle in my foot, and a lightning bolt shoots through my leg, up through my middle, to my head.

“Wow- I felt that!” I say excitedly.

“That one is connected to stress.” She tells me. “If you are holding stress inside, that’s where it goes.”

Ok. So I get the message. I may not be as zen-like as I imagined. But in my glee to feel anything at all, I don’t mind. Maybe there was something to this after all.

She finishes and dimming the lights, lets me rest for a half hour, coming in to adjust the needles at one point. I try to rest and relax, but can’t quite figure out how I feel, or how I’m supposed to feel. But I enjoy the quiet and the inability to do anything other than lie very still with needles in me.

I leave happy, already looking forward to the next visit. I had felt something. I really and truly did. That had to be a good sign. Maybe I could be a believer.

It’s been six months since that first visit. In that time I’ve gone through fresh and frozen IVF cycles, with four perfect embryos that resulted in two miscarriages. You’d think by now I would have given up on this hocus-pocus. But instead, these visits are the one thing that keep me calm through all the heartbreak, the one time I can let go of everything. Dr. Acu looks at me like a whole person, the sum of all my parts instead of just a uterus and a set of ovaries. Each little needle feels like a vent that releases my anger, my frustration, my sadness. When she dims the light and leaves me, I can almost see all those stresses rise out of me, mingling with the wisps of incense in the air.

Anyway, I’ve come to realize that this whole IVF process is a leap of faith. I can’t control any of it. I just have to believe.  God it’s hard.

Advertisements

Tagged: , , ,

8 thoughts on “Believing in Santa and Acupuncture

  1. Moon February 9, 2011 at 12:03 pm Reply

    Love this post! made me chuckle with all the questions you were asked :o)
    This convinces me that I should really try this and so will get this sorted before my next cycle and I’ll let you know how I get on!
    Moon x

    • Jess February 10, 2011 at 5:38 am Reply

      Thanks, Moon! Trying something new is a good way to feel positive about a new cycle too, I think. I hope it helps!

  2. serendipitie February 9, 2011 at 5:50 pm Reply

    I’m so happy you wrote this! I decided to do acupuncture with my next cycle and I’m already looking forward to the stress relief, and hopefully feeling more balanced.

    • Jess February 10, 2011 at 5:37 am Reply

      Thanks for reading- I’m glad it was a helpful post! Let me know how the acupuncture goes for you. Will check up on your blog. 🙂

  3. Melissa March 11, 2011 at 1:59 am Reply

    I started acupuncture about a month ago and I absolutely love zoning out during my sessions. I made the mistake of scheduling one appointment before work and was so preoccupied that it it was almost a waste. It amazing how good it feels to take time out to focus on making me better and forget about all of the impending fertility drama of the month. Side note, have you asked Dr. Acupuncture about your FSH levels?

    Good luck with everything, friend!

    • Jess March 11, 2011 at 2:56 am Reply

      Yes- she knows all about my FSH and in fact, she knows WAY more about me than Dr. IVF! I really feel like she’s on my team; she has supported me through every stage of this nightmare/adventure. Thanks to her help and the wheatgrass and who knows what else- my FSH is now below 10. So relieved!

      Thank you for reading.

  4. Judi April 19, 2011 at 1:04 pm Reply

    Thank you for writing this article. This has inspired me to look into acupuncture. I have also had a lot of people mention acupuncture to me. However, it is still frustrating to think you could “try” a million things and still not get pregnant. I can see how “stressed” people can get when they work so hard to implement every single person’s pregnancy / fertility suggestions and how it worked for someone else that they know.

    It takes up so much time to deal with all this – it is almost a full time job.

    Currently, I am doing a 21-day meditation journey to reduce stress. The 21 days of meditation have made a difference in my stress level and my heart rate decreased from 78 to 62 beats per minute. I plan to keep meditating 🙂

    http://www.judifox.com

    We have also decided to visit a chiropractor (who is positive about helping us get pregnant) and I plan to post updates on that journey as well.

    We have been focused on being spiritual, and mentally / physically healthy. We are praying for pregnancy, but realizing that this is one thing we really don’t have much “control” other than just doing what we can.

    However, it still hurts when people seem to just “know” that it will happen for “you” – in their hopes to make you feel better, but of course no one can give you a guarantee.

    I appreciate your open and honest writing. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    Judi

    • Jess April 19, 2011 at 10:00 pm Reply

      Hi Judi- I’m glad it was helpful. I really do believe that in the end, it’s all about reducing stress anyway that works for you. Wishing you the best- please do let me know if you have any questions that I can answer from my experiences.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: