Let me explain.
In that lifetime ago before I stepped up to the IVF big leagues, I’d optimistically track temperatures, ovulation symptoms, count days and make desperate love with Mr. T at all the right times. Then the waiting and hoping would begin, always dashed by the arrival of that despised Auntie. And it would all begin again.
When we found out that we were never going to get pregnant on our own, all at once AF was just a matter-of- fact fact of life. And what’s more, I soon learned that nothing in IVF could move forward without her. No procedure or protocol could be scheduled until she arrived. She was step one in getting to pregnant.
Then came the miscarriages. IVF #1 discovered at 8 weeks by ultrasound, and FET#1 discovered at just over 6 weeks. After these miscarriages- D&C for #1 and “natural” for #2- on top of all injections, procedures, and drugs from the IVF cycles- I felt like my body would never be the same again. I couldn’t even imagine Auntie coming back after all that chaos.
But like the good Auntie she is, she came back, giving me back the rhythm of my body and life. Now I no longer see her visit as a sign of my body’s failure- but as a sign of its resilience.
So despite the cramps and aches she brings with her, I’m happy to see her today. All I need is warm heating pad on my achy back, sipping tea to sooth my tummy- and plotting out the timing of my next IVF attempt. Auntie reminds me that I’m going to be ok- I’m persistent and resilient- and I’m not giving up yet.